“So you first had this specific nightmare during your early adolescence?”
Alice sat stoically in a red armchair with William Merrick stretched out on the couch in her office.
“Yes, and it usually reoccurs when I’m extremely stressed or lost.”
“Describe the dream for me, this time in great detail.”
“Well I usually find myself in a cold black cave. I keep searching for a light source but the darkness is suffocating, if that makes any sense. There’s other people around me who are clawing at the walls while trying to find their way out. Suddenly I see someone trying to start a fire, I can still picture the cave intermittently lighting up as the person keeps striking flint against a rock. Suddenly the flames start roaring as the cave is illuminated completely. I can finally see the other men and women around me, they’re all disfigured and sickly. I’m not sure how to explain their look, but they seemed like junkies in withdrawal, all bruised and battered.. After the fire has been burning for a while I start noticing shadows on the wall. The shadows all converge and diverge into different shapes and objects. For a while I stare at a moon above tree branches, then suddenly there are two moons spinning around each other with large stars in the background. I can still see the flames so vividly now.
Alice glanced at her notebook with a melancholic look.
“Are you familiar with ‘Plato’s Allegory Of The Cave?’
“Not really, I skipped philosophy class in high school.” Alice and William both chuckled.
“This is only my own interpretation, but in Plato’s allegory there were people trapped in a cave, and the only form of entertainment they had was watching shadows dancing on the walls from a brooding fire. Suddenly one captive broke free from his chains and emerged from the cave and saw the world for what it actually is, whereas previously he had only seen the shadows reflected on the caves wall.”
“So you’re saying the dream represents my desire for enlightenment?” William seemed inquisitive
“Right now you’re lost in the darkness, and the chain around your ankle is your addiction. If you want to reach personal enlightenment you need to break your chains and leave the cave and see the shining sunlight again.”
“What if the chains are too strong? What if I can’t break free?” Merrick’s youthful green eyes seemed stained like water on grass
“That’s always a possibility when someone’s battling addiction. Some never recover.”
The room had suddenly gone quiet. The stillness in the air was like a vacuum.
“I mean this sincerely, you’re not hopeless William. No one is ever too far gone. You can always reach the shore no matter what boat you use or what sea you traverse. You just need to find that inner strength to climb the mountain.”
Alice leans back in her chair as she takes a sip from her coffee cup
“When you’re using K, can you describe the method you use? K can be consumed in several different ways.”
“I started like everyone else, by snorting or smoking. I was always afraid of needles and had heard all the cautionary tales when I started using. In the end it proved too tempting so one night when I was drunk I said ‘fuck it’ and injected. The bliss was incredible. Before I started dreaming my body felt electric, it’s hard to describe, but my mind was on fire in a sense, then you slip out of consciousness and into dreams like a catatonic narcoleptic.”
“I see.” Alice gazed yet again at her notebook with eyes filled with melancholy
“Tell me about your childhood, what is your first memory?”
William glanced at the cracks in the ceiling then closed his eyes
“I was on a beach, it must have been winter because the sky was so grey, literally covered in clouds and the air was cold. I’m with my mother and I couldn’t have been older than 3 years old. I just remember gazing up at my mother and seeing her cold, stoic face. She seemed detached. Somewhere else I suppose. Don’t we all wish we were somewhere else?”
“Do your dreams usually feature you somewhere else? In distant locations?” Alice scribbled in her notebook
“Well, yes. But usually in fractured spaces. They’re not usually coherent. I don’t know how to describe it. When I’m dreaming it’s like I’m in a fantasy world where anything is possible. Like a video game I suppose. Sometimes I wish life was like that, just fantastic and surreal.”
“Life can be surprising and fantastic if you approach it without the baggage of your past.”
William was surprised at Alice’s astuteness
“I suppose you’re right, but our past shapes us in ways we can never repair. We carry our bruises forever. Especially if they were afflicted on us when we were young.”
Alice nodded in agreement.
“Well, it seems like our time is up.”
William Merrick looked over at the clock which had just struck 5 in the afternoon. As he got up from the couch he grabbed his navy blue jacket and exited the office. Just as he got through the door he told Alice goodbye. Dejected and empty he left the clinic, and as he gazed up at the blue sky he had a sudden premonition that he would probably never see her again.
