Chapter 1.
To Open New Doors
There is a second before dreaming when your mind goes completely blank. I don’t know what to call it except it strikes me as totally uncanny. What exists beyond our minds? Is there something occupying the periphery? Maybe it’s just an illusion. What is an illusion? Maybe I am the answer to the question. I’m an alien, at least I’ve certainly felt like one. I grew up in this city. I spent my adolescence walking the deserted streets, exiting the stores, and entering the theatres. I was gazing at the shop windows before I could spot my own reflection. Totalitaria is grand. It stretches beyond the horizon, beyond our minds, and beyond our comprehension. What existed before Totalitaria? The Big Bang. The explosion. Whatever existed was erased. All that exists is now. No one looks back anymore. We view the television screen and see reality. We view the screen and see ourselves. A black mirror. Can you see yourself through the stained glass? Can you see something beyond us? You and me. The creator and the subject. Whatever will happen has already happened. There is nothing new under the sun. Or maybe there is. Maybe something existed before existence. I view it as a white void, not black, white. Like a blank page. God must be a writer and this is all a mental concoction. I can see the lord now. Sitting and relentlessly pressing the keys of the typewriter. Laughing sporadically, pausing intermittently. The image of God is the image of my mind. Will we ever create images of dreams? Images of our imagination?
I’ve lived in Totalitaria my whole life. This is my home, though I would like to call it anything else. The streets are overrun with crime, the apartments with poverty, and the shops with robbery. I work as a detective. I search for petty thieves and criminals. Often I find none, sometimes some. The drugs give me some form of comfort. In between the arduous days and sleepless nights I find rest in the chemicals.
The distance is stretching between us. Another murder was solved Eric Anderson was found dead in his bedroom. A missing head with scratch wounds to the victims arms. We traced the crime back to the east district. Eric had apparently been involved with the sharks.
I looked for the perpetrator constantly. Through the stillness of Totalitaria’s night, through the blistering heat of Totalitarias day. When the case was closed I rested against my brown leather couch high on the chemicals provided to me by the higher forces.
Through the deserted streets I walked at a sluggish pace. High and undisturbed by the restlessness of a growing shadow. A shadow which concealed the light of day, and the darkness of night.
Whatever wishes to be concealed by the darkness remains so. I don’t know what the truth holds. Does anyone? Whatever wishes to be concealed remains so.
I had met Alice for the first time in the distant hazy past but I knew instantly she would play an integral part in my life. She seemed distant in the beginning, in a sense removed. Removed from the conversations we had. Removed from the somber stillness which always surrounded her presence. She asked me to investigate a case she wasn’t sure the depths of. No one could know the depths it would drag us into. It was a murder though, that much we both knew. I had many such cases that occupied my time. I remember searching through vacant apartments, through streaming rivers, through the stillness of dead streets. I remember the emptiness in the vast landscape of my mind. Though I could not comprehend the vastness of my surroundings my mind still seemed intact.
I searched everywhere for my sanity, unable to find the remedy to my destructive thoughts. Do you remember your youth? I remember moments. We exist as fractured fragments of ourselves. Kiss my lips and I will kiss yours. Like a mouth kissing itself. In my imagination I see a candlelight illuminating the corners of my mind. Writing is like holding a candle in the dark, lighting up the damp corners of a searching mind. What do I seek? I don’t know. No one does.
“Whatever you seek is already found.”
Alice spoke with a soft trepidation.
“There is still something lingering in the shadows.”
I assured Alice that the case was not closed. We could dig deeper. I looked at her strange eyes which revealed two distinct pupils, one green, and one blue.
“There is nothing left to uncover.” Alice said
I took a drag from my cigarette and looked out of the opened window. A sense of sadness coloured my mind. Like a carcass floating downstream.
Alice and I walked through the east district as the rain cascaded through the gloomy evening. We talked sporadically through intermittent pauses of silence.
“I’ll help you the best I can though I can’t guarantee any results.”
Alice’s eyes looked tear stained and tired.
“The person who disappeared was a patient of yours, yes?”
“He had been coming to my office for a few months. We briefly discussed his involvement with the Nova mob. I’m sure they were the ones who finished him off.” Alice gazed down the lonely, dark street ahead
“Are you allowed to reveal this information?”
“He’s dead, who fucking cares. The police won’t do shit, you’re the only one who can help me.”
I looked up at the night sky which was lightly stained by city lights. The streets we were walking through seemed slightly vacated. The clock had just struck 3 in the morning when we stopped into a cafe. Sitting by the corner of the store with a cup of coffee in each hand we temporarily gazed around the store. I noticed a peculiar woman sitting by the corner reading the Observer. Her hair was dyed red and she was wearing a brown overcoat.
“Howard, I know you’re busy these days, I mean the city isn’t exactly a sanctuary. But if you solve this case for me, I’ll reward you.”
“It’s not the reward I’m concerned with, it’s the Nova Mob.”
“I’m not even sure they’re the ones responsible. Something tells me this goes deeper.” Alice spoke quietly.
As we parted ways I gazed a last time at Alice as she walked down the dark deserted streets and I wondered if I would ever see her again.
The city has a translucent neon glow that expands over the dark night sky. It’s easy to spot if you venture into its periphery. Totallitaria is large, and no one is allowed to leave its perimeters. Those who tried to migrate outside were killed or excommunicated. The truth is, no one knows what exists beyond the shadowy corners of the metropolis, or what existed before. Sometimes you would hear tales of a vast network of cities and countries connected and expanding across the desolate planet, though that strikes me as dubious. Whatever existed before is now long gone. What we have left is Totallitaria. A dark construct consisting of neon lights and shadowy streets.
Alice takes my hand as she escorts me to the dream theatre. The dream theatre is a peculiar construct, built by the city’s engineers. Every evening it’s open at the same time, at precisely midnight. The screen goes black for a few moments then it begins to stream the most abstract visuals imaginable. Whatever is possible or impossible to depict is portrayed on the screen. There are no rules, no limits, and certainly no boundaries. Within Totallitaria anything is possible. Without its perimeter, nothing exists.
We sit down at the back of the theatre and gaze momentarily at the white screen. As it goes black I instinctively grab Alice’s hand. A corridor appears, a man is pointing a loaded revolver at a fleeing individual.
“I’ve dreamt this before.” I say
The bullet pierces the victims back as he falls to the floor.
“That’s the person we’re looking for. The shooter.” Alice speaks softly.
“Who is it?”
“That’s the problematic part.” Alice rises from her seat and takes me outside.
“You’ve seen him before, that’s why he appeared in your dream.”
I stood stunned in the dark street and glanced at Alice.
“It would be hard to find him from just that scene. Do you have any leads?”
“Not at the moment. Maybe you could recall where it happened?” Alice looked off into the distance
“I think it’s my previous apartment building, I recognise the carpet and walls.”
“Let’s go there then. The night is young.”
Alice and I trailed the metropolis whilst surrounded by windows. Alice flicked her cigarette and gazed momentarily at me, before diverting her eyes ahead to the street.
“There’s nothing out there for us.” Alice says
“What do you mean? This is all there is.”
“Do you know I’m still in love with you?” Alice smirked.
“Still? We’ve known each other for a long time. I thought you were past that.
“I was joking. I haven’t thought about you until I needed your help. God knows I’m thankful for staying out of your insanity.”
We turned a corner and Cyprus Avenue and arrived at my old apartment building.
The hallway was empty as we gazed down the long corridor. It looked precisely like the dream sequence. As I started walking along the walls the floor seemed to bend arbitrarily. Walking further a hole opened up and I fell through the ground. Falling through space and time my vision collapsed after which I woke in my bed to a dark empty room. My ears were ringing and the sheets were covered in sweat. I grabbed my phone from the bedside table and looked at a text from Alice.
“Let’s meet again tomorrow. Get rested.”
Gabriel Wing 